Awakening

On September 11th 2001, Life changed for many people. Without going into a dissertation about terrorism and the evils of the world. When that day ended I was more afraid than any other day in my life. I was more uncertain and insecure than I had ever been before.

You see, September 11th, 2001, I became a father for the very first time. My wife and I were on the other Coast in the United States. Nowhere near the threat and danger of the day. Yet we felt violated like no other. My first thoughts were understandably panic driven, what kind of world did I bring this baby girl into? Is this the beginning of World War III? How can I ever protect my daughter from evil? How do I protect my family from the culture of death? Don’t get me wrong…I’m not some naïve guy shocked at the ways of the world. I’ve lived a blessed life that has provided me an education in the good the bad and the ugly sides of life. But that September 11th was the first day of my life that looked at the world through father colored glasses.

With a childhood influenced by violence, divorce, drugs, gangs, tragic family illnesses and more than a decade in Law Enforcement, I am developing an understanding of what ills the world. That said I am desperately seeking a way to change things. With all the negativity of the world, I ran to my wife and daughter in order to escape. My wife and I were blessed with a second daughter in October of 2004. I was humbled to have been blessed with another child. As I gazed into her big brown eyes, I could not help but wonder what the future would hold for her. I recalled the panic I felt in 2001 and questioned just how safe we were today.

As home became my sanctuary, my wife and daughters became my reason for being. As the provider and protector of the home I feared I would not be able to protect my family from what is becoming an ugly, violent, hateful world. In April of 2007, the love my wife and I shared manifested itself a third time in the form of a beautiful baby girl, our third little princess. By now I had developed a bit of a skeptical eye toward all other males on this earth. A good part of me believes no male will ever be worthy of the love my three daughters have to give. As I brace myself for the inevitable relationships in my girl’s future, I sought guidance from every source available to me. My goal is simply to raise daughters with a proper moral compass, a respect for life, a strong sense of self worth and the confidence to be whatever they want to be.

My search for guidance and the death of my 49-year-old father led me back to the Catholic Church. Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers uses an analogy during his presentations that really stands out for me. For 33 years of my life I treated my Catholic faith like an expensive china dish set. I left it hidden away in the cupboard until a special occasion arrived. I would dust it off for Christmas, Easter, Baptisms and Weddings only to put it back in the cupboard, out of sight-out of mind.

My Wife and I became more and more convinced that our family’s spirituality was the key to our happiness. On Easter Sunday, 2009, my wife and I returned to the church. We were confirmed in front of family and friends. My seven-year-old daughter watched as I wept during the ceremony. When she asked me why I was crying, I told her that I had been waiting for that moment for 34 years. My daughter smiled and told me she was happy for me. I am happy for me too. I have lived a blessed life to date. However it was this day that I learned just how empty my life had been. Finally an indescribably fullness filled my heart. After years of sticking my head in the sand, I had awakened.